I've decided to start up a blog soon as I could, which seems to be only when I'm working because I don't have a functioning computer. Something's wrong with it, or the browser, at least. Besides that, it seems to be rather slow, which is why I'm not even going to bother fixing it. It's an old Toshiba laptop, I believe I got it sometime around my freshman year of high school, soooo I'll just have to save up and buy a new one. There's something about blogging that leaves me at ease every time, and you know, perhaps closing the blog wasn't the best idea, but I was paranoid.
There go all of my deleted posts that I possibly won't be getting back, except for my Japan posts. Though they seem rather rushed and what not, I like them. I love re-reading my posts from Japan because it gives me a nice, vivid imagine in my head from things I had forgotten. But in the end, I seriously had to get rid of all of the depressing posts, and the posts that had no point in them. It's 2014 now, meaning this year will be a new life with someone new. A new life with someone and a new career, or at least that's what I'm hoping. Who knows, this year might turn out worst than the last, so send positive vibes my way~ FIGHTING~~~
Anywho, moving on. I've been recovering from a cold. Actually, I already recovered, even though my stuffy nose says other wise. But I seriously went about.. a week or so with back pain before the cold hit me. I haven't gotten sick since the beginning of last year when I was hospitalized, but then again that was more asthma related. But gawd was that horrible D: Besides all of the complaining, I started off the year pretty great. I came back from visiting my boyfriend, who doesn't live here T_T Long distance relationships have always been an automatic no for me, knowing how easily it is to let them go because of the lack in physical contact, but so far this relationship has brought nothing but happiness to me. Which is all that matters in the end, I can truly say I'm content with everything. The secret's out, although it wasn't necessarily a secret to begin with, just something I never really mentioned unless you were.. my mom or Araceli. But he's just.. absolutely wonderful, ah yes, him. Him.. or rather Michael, or Mike for short.
I know, the name brings me back to the elementary school days, where smaller me would become beyond pissy with substitute teachers when roll call happened. "It's MUH-SHELL!!! Can't you read?!" And I had even made a poor woman cry that day for being so offended over her own lack of knowledge when it came to pronouncing names. I suppose that's what happens when I live next to the border. You know, a question that keeps me up at night is, how long does it take for someone to be truly in love? I know, I'm living up to my obsessive astrology sign. Scorpio, the obsessive twat. I suppose you could say I'm keeping a wall between us, or more so, a rather weak wall because I seem to become more and more attached to the idea of us, and it's merely been a few months. Attachment is something I fear greatly, I don't want to be in love just yet, but I find myself vulnerable in this situation. In love, because I'm weak, and I always have been. Infatuated might be a better word to describe myself, I suppose, because what is it like being in love? And why is it that I can't seem to take him off of my mind, as hard as I try to distract myself?
I had made a post a month or so ago clearly stating that I didn't want to make any personal posts, but that didn't turn out too well either. At times I seriously just need to vent, let everything out on a blank page, regardless of the depressing thoughts I may have at times, or the constant ranting. It's almost 2am now, I have to get up in only a few hours and I find myself online, writing away. I never thought distance would hurt. When something is so far away, I usually strive for it. Japan, for example, was somewhere I wanted visit, live perhaps, but even though I'm here now, and it'll almost be a year since I last visited, it doesn't necessarily hurt. I feel physically sick at times, wanting to stay in bed for the rest of the day. My motivation is seriously lacking, and I fear it's because I feel hurt, impatient perhaps. But god damn it, it shouldn't be this way. I should be moving forward, rather than sulking most of the time!
After everything; the tears, the laughter, the very few nights by his side and the countless kisses, I find myself.. happy with him. I realize I'm not as lonely as I used to feel, and you know, it's nice having someone who will listen for once. I don't know guys, I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. My emotions are all over the place in a single day, buuuuuuuuut at least I updated this thing and now you all know I'm not dead. I'll try and be more active on this thing, seeing as how hard it is for my laptop to keep the internet connected for a few god damn MINUTES. Ugh. Anyway, until next time.
I want to lose 5 pounds by the end of this month..like, I REALLY need to lose weight. I look back at my high school years and realize how in shape I was compared to now, and trust me the asthma isn't helping. It's like I can't go on a simple walk without feeling breathless, dying for my inhaler, lol. I might be at the most unhealthy point in my life, and I desperately need to make some changes. I feel like five pounds is a start. I mean, it really isn't too much. FIVE POUNDS LIGHTER, HERE I COMEEEE.
Red lipstick has kinda been my thing for a while. I'm in need of a lavender color next~ I actually had one in my hand when I went to go pick up my birth control at the pharmacy, but in the end i left it back in the shelf with the rest of Maybelline's products. I should go back for it. I always seem to find myself in a similar type of situation, where I end up regretting not purchasing that piece of make up. BLEH. Lucky me though, I bought my very first pair of dolly wink eyelashes about a week ago. And well..THEY'RE PERFECT. 
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